The Freedom of being 50

You know I always dreaded getting to my 50’s. There was something that seemed so old about it.

You know there’s that saying that life begins at 40. Well for me, my 40’s were an absolute car crash. In fact even until I got to 51 it was all pretty dodgy and a bit sketchy to say the least. 

And now I’m in my 50’s, (I’m going to be 53 this year), I can honestly say I’m bloody loving it. 

And I don’t know what it is. You read articles, and you hear other women talking about the freedom and liberation that comes in your 50’s. And the absolute “I don’t give a monkeys anymore about so much stuff” when they get to their 50’s. What is that all about?

Is it a hormonal thing? I was forced into an early menopause at the age of 40 after breast cancer treatment, and my hormones were all over the place for about 10 years! I also had undiagnosed ADHD, which really for half a century disguised itself very well as crippling anxiety. 

Before 40 I was the most high functioning person I knew. I had more jobs, hobbies, interests, than anyone else. I was a high achiever and put huge pressure on myself. I also had sky high levels of Oestrogen which explains a lot. Actually about as high as they could be, which I know because they tested my levels when I had cancer. And the minute my oestrogen levels plummeted my unknown ADHD took the reins. 

The anxiety that I lived with and the fluctuating bouts of depression were almost definitely linked to having undiagnosed ADHD. 

But now, with everything I’ve learned and the strategies I’ve put in place I can recognise when I’m struggling and say,

“It’s ok babe, it’s just your pesky ADHD being a pain in the ass. We know what’s going on here, and we know how to deal with it. “

Cue, lots of rest and decent sleep, check water intake, get lots of fresh air, watch what we’re eating, and tell ourselves that it will pass. It always does. 

Maybe it’s also got something to do with the fact that my kids are all grown up and don’t need me as much as they did so I have less responsibilities?

Maybe it’s because I’m single? And happily single I might add for the first time in my life! 

I have no expectations to place on anybody, there’s no pressure to keep someone else happy because the only person I have to do that for is myself. And I’m bloody loving it!

I can do what I want, when I want. 

I can go where I want, eat what I want. I’ve got lots of hobbies and interests and a great circle of friends. 

I can travel! And I actually love solo travel. I find it empowering and liberating. I’ve done 4 solo trips to Europe and loved every single one. In 2021 I booked a last minute flight to Milan and spent a week just exploring, walking miles and miles, and going on mini adventures every day. One of my favourite days was when I rocked up at the Centrale train station at 9am on a Sunday morning, looked up at the departure board and picked a city to go to for the day. I ended up in Turin and it took my breath away. 

I guess I’m loving the feeling of contentment I have now in my 50’s.

I’ve waited over half a century to feel like this. 

I think if I have one regret, it’s that it took me so long to figure it all out. 

I wish I’d known about the importance of good mental health in my 20’s. I wish I’d understood how alcohol can affect you so badly if you have ADHD. I wish I’d had better relationships. With my Mother, my partners, and even some of my friends. Understanding the importance of boundaries, and being accountable for my own actions and behaviours as well as the stuff that was put upon me by other people. 

And above all I wish I’d understood sooner that the only person I needed to love unconditionally (other than my kids) was myself. 

‘Becoming’ this woman that I’m genuinely able to say I’m proud of makes me feel good! 

And if I can do it, anyone can. You too can be a kick ass, strong and independent woman. 

Promise x